The World As I See It

Monogomy...Not Just a Wood Anymore

Monogomy is almost a dirty word these days. Of course the idea of what it means has changed also. There used to be a time when it meant one person for the rest of your life. Of course when the rest of you life was like 30, then I guess it was easier. These days monogomy means sex only with the person you are currently with (and will break up with them so you may have sex with someone else only to get back with the first person and stay without falut). You know I would love to be with someone that was only with me, but I also understand how men are. You cannot ask a man to be with only you (b/c many then will want to try someone because you brought it up). Squirrels stay with one mate all their lives, if that mate dies then they never mate again. I have never met a man that was like a squirrel. I take that back...I never a met a man born in the last 50 years that was like a squirrel. Blame it on a lack of morals, blame it on "human nature," but it is disconserting to think about that from the time you are little that our parents pushed on us that you are only to be with one person when even they haven't. Now I am not saying that one of you parents cheated but think of this, if every one was with the first person they had sex with you parents might not be your parents. One mate for life. That in itself is scarey concept. Not unwelcomed, but when lifespan is now near 100 years it makes you think. You really want to try to find someone that you have true compatablity with. Personally I have always wanted to marry my best-friend. Lovely notion. Yet I have failed to meet a guy that can think of a chick as a friend after sex. Even Stone sees me a little different. He is my best-friend and yet he keeps a certain distance that wasn't there before. I don't see where there is a problem. I want friendship first in all things. I want to marry the one guy that accepts me for exactly who and what I am. That loves me being me. Someone that understands that I cannot be changed into what they want me to be. Someone that won't try to mold me into their idea of perfection. That is why I love him. He's exactly what I want. Will I ever have him? Maybe not. But it gives hope. Hope that if I can find someone like him, then there is someone that can love me for me. Treat me with kindness and compassion even when he is acting strong and hard. Someone who's eyes give them away. Someone that even when he is angry with me would never want or willing let harm come to me. I have found this in one person. So there is hope that if this kind of person exsist that there will be a person that will love me back. Patience is the key. It took 25 years to find Stone, and if it took even 25 more to have the love I want then I would have at least 50 years to love to that someone back.

Ok confession time. I have a bad habit of not saying what I want. So I will say it here once. And if you are reading this my friend, I am talking to you. I know this will undoubtably scare him and may lose something I cherish. But "A life lived in fear is a life half lived." So here we go. You know I love you, I have never hid that fact. I have told you but you ignor it. You said you are scared of hurting me that is why we are not together. I want to take that chance. I have lived watching you go from girl to girl and only being honest to me. You have shared your hopes and dreams with me. Our common interests and secret conversations. I agreed to our agreement not because I didn't want to only be with you. I agreed to it because I knew you were not ready for me. In many ways you are still not. I understand that when you finally settle down you will settle down. So I give your freedom to find out what you are searching for. From the first time we touched I knew I loved you. That terrified me. What terrified me more is when I say something in your eyes that one time at Gabey's. I saw for a breif second your heart. I saw that you really cared too. I have been afraid to say that really love you. I have been scared to let you into my heart. I don't want to be hurt again. Neither do you. By now you should have figured out that I have gave you whatever you want not because I don't care but because I do. We promised to always be in each others lives. Do you know why I agreed and wanted such a promise? Because you are truely special. I knew then without knowing that I needed you in my life. You ground me when I dream to loafty. I dream when are scared to. I saw then that we were two sides of the same coin, and the more I got to know you the more it was true. The more you told me what you wanted in a woman, the more I saw in me. I did not have to become what you wanted like the others, I already was that. I know I frighten you, but now I know why. You think the only way a relationship can work is if it is totally one of convience. Now while I agree that that is true, I also say you can love each other. Not with that crazy can't-live-without-you-so-I-will-kill-myself-and/or- you kind of love, the kind that you want to die when it is over. I mean the kind of love that is gentle and kind, compassionate, sweet, true, accepting, willing to give you up if it makes you happy, work to better ourself and our family kind of love. I want someone that supports my dreams and I support his. I want to help you, and you help me. And work as a partner for what we want in life. We have talked about that. So now I am tell you. Like I should have a long time ago. I know this may mean that you will run away from me. But if I didn't tell you then I never will. I am scared too. Mainly of losing my friend. Yet I am willing to find out, if you are. I am tired of dead-end relationships. And men that want me to be their dream, instead the person I am. Do I want monogomy? Yes! Do I expect it? No. Do I accept that? I have. As it has been now for 2 years, now it is your turn. Do you accept me? Are you willing to take a chance? It's up to you now. Just remember "Nothing Ventured is Nothing Gained." If it doesn't work then we always have our friendship to fall back on. I am not asking you to love me or marry me. I am asking for a chance to try something new and unexpected. We have never had a dull moment together, so let's try. Waiting patiently still.

Forever yours,

V @->

Back to the story now. I have found men to be more like, now don't think I am sterotyping, stray dogs. They will go here and there. Screw whoever will them. Will be loyal, at least for a short time, to whoever feeds them. That doesn't mean that for the right chick that they won't turn around and be a loyal pup. But the bitch that usually brings that out in him is one that treats him horribly until she breaks their heart. Which turns them into the strays that women hate. But it seems to be the way. Really good and nice people end up with nasty fucks that ruin them for when they meet someone nice. Ladies, why do we pass up the nice guy for the asshole? Because we are scared that that nice will become an asshole, so we don't try. Or they are the only guys that will pay attention to us. Guys why is it that that sweet girl that will come over and feed you chicken soup when you are sick is the first one will pass up for a stuck up bitch that wants all your money and cheats on you when convient? Because you are scared that the nice girl will want more than you can give. Now listen up, a really "NICE" person will ask for more than you can give. They do not expect it. That is a scarey concept but true. Every nice person I have ever met has treated their bitch/asshole like that. We truely have high expections for the ones we love but never berate if they fall or fail.

So what am I saying? Monogomy is not a wood. It has as much value as you give it. What I do and like others to do with me is be honest. If you truthfully want a monogomous relationship tell me straight out. You will get it. If it is not what you want, then tell me. But also don't expect it of me either. Don't change the rules. Now later down the line you want to change, then you can be in a pickle. The trick is the honesty. I can always be faithful to a man that wants monogomy. If that is not the original deal, then he will have to talk to me about it. It is truly a mind-set. Truthfully I could still be in a few relationships if they had been up-front about not wanting to see just me. Of course that is just my opinion.

Good luck in your relationships!!

posted by Kodokuna Kitsune @ 3:45 AM 1 comments